humor

http://www.mattkruse.com/humor/

Wonderful joke collection - http://www.infolanka.com/jokes/

A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, " Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: " So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!"


Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.


Chinese Adam and Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because Chinese would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake!

BALGOBIN... is a ten years old boy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Why are you late?
BALGOBIN: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
BALGOBIN: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on
the floor?
BALGOBIN: You told me to do it without using tables!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Balgobin, go to the map and find North
America.
BALGOBIN: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Balgobin!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TêCHER: Balgobin, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN: Me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
BALGOBIN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than
you are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BALGOBIN: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN: Your name on this report card.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by
biting
insects?
BALGOBIN: Don't bite any.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with
"I".
BALGOBIN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of
COINCIDENCE?"
BALGOBIN: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on
the same day, same
time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you
know why his
father didn't punish him?"
BALGOBIN: "Because George still had the axe in his
hand?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BALGOBIN: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER: No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are
wearing,
one is green and
one is blue with red spots!
BALGOBIN: Yes it's really strange. I've got another
pair just like that
at home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
donkey and stopped him,
what virtue would I be showing?
BALGOBIN: Brotherly love?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before
eating?
BALGOBIN: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the
same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
BALGOBIN: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when
people are no longer interested?
BALGOBIN: A teacher

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the

security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs"

and moved on...



* Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las

Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could

you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".

The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo

immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.



* Laloos family planning policy..

"Don't have more than two children in one year"



* At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender,

"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS,

SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"

Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."



* After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture.

To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of

buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for

the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS

THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"



* Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business

Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with

Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years

and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was

very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated "Give me

three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"



* A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?"

"Marriage"